we have pet lesbian snakes
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
