You made me cry and you don't even care
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
