would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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