it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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