he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
