Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
