I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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