how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she looked like the before picture.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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