I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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