She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
