1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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