I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
