so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
