You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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