Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
