Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
