I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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