What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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