Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
