I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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