I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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