I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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