So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize