i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
