I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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