chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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