the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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