omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
