thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
