I want to walk on stilts...naked
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
