oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
