I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
