The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
