When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize