dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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