Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My ass is underappreciated
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
