I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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