If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
