Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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