it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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