you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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