Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am never drinking with the goths again.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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