i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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