I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
