yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
