He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
