I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
