my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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