So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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