Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
