i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
