Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
