Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
