Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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