im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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