you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
