Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
