I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
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I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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