have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize