I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
