You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
