Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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