Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
