Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
