you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
