I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
babies were throwing up all over the place
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
