Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize