I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
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I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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